Joy Comes in the Morning

I never knew what pure joy was like until the morning my son was born and even as I write that comment I feel guilty for saying it, because it seems like a haughty comment, especially to all the people in the world who would give anything to have a child.  It seems ludicrous to even insinuate that joy is measured by what we’ve attained through parenthood and at the same time it’s the single most perfect way for me to describe pure joy. 

I waited the nine months for his arrival filled with fearful anticipation.  Fearful because of the expectations I placed on his life before he was even born.  Fearful because of a conversation I had with God when I was only a teen.  Imagining what my life would be like as an adult, being married and having children, I had a feeling deep within my heart that God was preparing me at an early age for some future heart ache.  Hearth ache in what I identified at the time as a special needs child.  That early conversation and preparation would stick with me through my college years, through the early years of my marriage and even after our son was born.  Vainly, I remember questioning my son’s appearance with my wife and asking if she thought he was alright.  I think I had felt for so long something was going to be wrong, I just wanted to reassure myself that he really was okay.  He looked beautiful to me, but something was still causing a restless feeling within.

We decided not to find out what the sex of our baby would be prior to birth.  We wanted to be surprised, but I think we did everything in our power to will a boy.  We painted the nursery a pale shade of blue decorated in a classic Winnie the Pooh theme.  We bought all neutral colors, but predicted we’d have a girl to any person who asked.  When the moment finally arrived and the doctor held him up and said “it’s a boy” I couldn’t hold back the tears.  What we had unintentionally willed had become a special gift for the two of us to share together.

What we learned was life can be unpredictable much of the time.  We predicted a girl but got a boy and we were happy.  Our boy was perfect and we were excited about the days ahead as new parents and for all our dreams to finally come true as we started our family together.  However, there was still the haunting conversation between a young naive boy and God that lingered somewhere deep in my soul and no matter how prepared God may have thought I was nothing could have prepared me for the difficult and painful journey we’d soon find ourselves on.

Screwooged

I know that people feel like times are tough in America right now, but do we really have it so bad?  Most of us enjoy a warm and comfy bed every night and we generally get three plus meals a day.  Most of us need nothing and if truth be told, our needs generally turn out to be wants and addictions for consumption.

Lately the news has been filled with doom and gloom and with reports of economic crises, a volatile stock market, new president elect, and big corporations failing left and right, you would think people would want to be a little cautious with their spending.  However, I’ve not seen a slow down this Christmas at the malls or stores I’ve been to and friends seem to be spending just as much if not more this year for gifts.

I’m probably as guilty as most.  I’ve not stopped spending and even though we’ve cut back on the number of Christmas presents we buy for family, we still tend to spoil our son.  He already has so much, why do we think he needs more?  Why do we think we need more?  Why do we always assume that we are owed or deserve something?

I ask these questions because of a recent situation we found ourselves in with friends.  We have all been working with the kids at The Samaritan Inn, a local homeless shelter, since February and wanted to plan a little Christmas outing for the kids we’ve become friends with.  We decided to organize a party for them at a local business that offers “Jump House” entertainment.  We felt it would be a great opportunity for the kids to get out and burn off a little energy at the same time. 

When we approached the business and talked to the manager about the event, who it was for, and why we were doing it.  I think we all assumed they would be as excited about it as we are.  We also expected, as a non-profit organization working with homeless kids, to get a great deal or at least a discount to help offset the cost.

What we got in return was a person who offered noting.  No discount.  No deal.  No compassion for the situation, for our organization, or the children.  And when we asked questions about the different deals they had, we had to be very careful about what we decided on, because the price seemed to change and become more expensive, not cheaper, when we tried to negotiate the best deal.

This left all of us feeling frustrated and feeling like we’ve been violated in some way.  We couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t have compassion for children.   Why they wouldn’t help a local non-profit and why the rules couldn’t be bent this one time in order for some needy children to have a great Christmas party.

The more I’ve thought about it the more I’ve come to realize my feelings are a result of individualism and entitlement.  Feeling like I’m owed something or entitled to more than what someone else may be entitiled to,  just because we are trying to do good.  I’m not sure it’s supposed to work this way.  We could easily continue to argue it would have been the right thing for this business to do, but how do I know they aren’t struggling this Christmas due to the economic strains on the small businesses in America?  How do I know they aren’t just wanting what so many of us already have?

I certainly have been financially blessed this year and 2009 is already looking really good for my company and my family.  I know I can afford to pay for all the kids at The Samaritan Inn to have a great Christmas party, so today I’m sucking it up and confessing my weakness in the area of entitlement and will do my best, on Sunday when I walk into this business, to put on a smile and make the workers there feel like we are appreciative of the opportunity to use their facility, because  I think that’s the right thing to do!

Chosen by God

My wife and I were in the car on Saturday and had a great conversation about our special needs child.  We’ve both had recent conversations with people about the special situations surrounding their child, or grandchild, so it had both of us thinking about how blessed we really are.

Sure we are parents of a special needs boy, but we are so blessed.  God has been with us every step even when we often feel all alone.  Our son has his physical difficulties, but over all we have it pretty easy with him and he has a really sharp mind, so it makes it very easy for us to have conversations and discussions with him.

We have friends and know others who are not so fortunate and life is often difficult.  Some are constantly in the hospital, having surgeries, and for others maintaining a correct sugar level becomes a minute by minute chore.  It’s friends and acquaintances like this that makes me question the whole comment that people often make, “God chose you-special parents-for your special child.”

Give me a break!  This is where I’ve really struggled this weekend.  What you’re trying to tell me is, God has this shelf of embryonic souls and all of a sudden, one day, he decides to grab one off the shelf and say, “this ones special, so I’m going to give this one to Kyle & Joanna.” 

I think there are a few fatal flaws in this kind of thinking.  First, if that were true, then Heaven isn’t perfect, because this child, this soul, this spirit that gets sent to earth to become your child, in some way, has a flaw before it even arrives.  Not true!  Secondly, why would God chose a broken, chaotic, and dis-functional family to raise a special needs child, which happens all the time?  Christian people aren’t the only ones who have special needs children.  Special needs children are born to alcoholics, drug addicts, and child abusers every day.  So, once again, God chooses special people to take care of special children?  I don’t think so!

Here’s what I think.  Because of the sin and brokenness in this world, children are born with special needs, health problems, sickness, and difficulties.  God doesn’t predetermine or choose who these children go to, but he certainly does give those of us who have them the ability, strength, patience, love and grace to take care of them.  Those parents out there who may not know what love and grace is and haven’t had the privilege to experience it, may struggle more with having a special needs child, which often leads to a very high rate of divorce and brokenness, leaving one parent to bear the burden and responsibility of this special situation. 

God loves everyone equally and doesn’t have favorites.  He doesn’t choose special people to take care of special children any more then he chooses some people to be a pastor, a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.  He simply gives all of us a choice.  To live our lives with him no matter the circumstance, situation, or job we find ourselves in.  We simply need to trust him with everything.  Let him lead.  Let him bear the weight of what we are carrying.  And if we do this, life is a little easier to handle, because we aren’t the ones in control.

Do You Know Who You Are?

My son is such a little actor.  Normally when I come home from work each day he’s so engrossed in his latest creation of Lego’s that I can barely get him to stop and even acknowledge that I’m talking to him.  Sometimes, I’ll just wrestle him to the floor and get his attention, but most days I let him play.

Tonight when I called him from my hotel room he got on the phone and said “Daddy I miss you so much, please come home.”  All of that with the saddest little whiny voice you can imagine.  I know he was just putting on a show, but it was still enough to get me thinking about him.

I started reading a new book yesterday and as I read the authors story, a few minutes ago, about the birth of his children, it caused me to start thinking about the day my son was born.  It is still one of the best days of my life.  My wife and I didn’t know what the sex of our baby was prior to birth and we had predicted a girl the whole time, so as I stood there awaiting the news and then hearing the doctor say “it’s a boy” you can only imagine how proud I was as a new dad.

The author of this book shares about a time in his life, after he became a Christian, when he struggled with his identity and believing that he was someone who God truly loves.  I think we all have times like that in our lives, but the author said he heard God saying something to him that has shaped his life and he is now using it to shape his children’s lives. 

Any day now our good friends will be having their first little girl.  They already have two boys, but things are about to change with a baby sister in the house.  Time for pink dresses and bows in her hair and a savings fund for the wedding some day! : )  Her big brothers will become her protectors and won’t let anyone push her around.  That’s what big brothers do.

Jay and Jodi I love you guys and I’m waiting every day to hear the news about your new little girl.  Tonight I want to leave this little thought with you from the new book I’m reading.  When you see your new daughter for the first time and you pick her up in your hands and look her in the face, ask her this question.

“Do you know who you are?…You’re the one Jesus loves.”  Let these words be the first she hears from you and tell her this over and over until she understands that “since the beginning of her life, she has belonged to him.  He shaped her in Jodi’s womb and his finger marks are permanently embedded in her.  She is the one that Jesus loves.”

I think we all need to ask ourselves this question…because we are all the one Jesus loves!