Bye, Bye, Twitter

Tonight I was talking a little with my wife about Lent.  I’ve really been thinking a lot about it and what I’ll give up this year.  I totally missed out on the beauty of Lent last year, because of my depression.  I was struggling so bad, I just couldn’t wrap my mind around giving something up.  I needed to be saved from what I was dealing with.

This year is a totally different story.  God is good and working in my life.  Our Organic Church is growing and amazing things are happening.  I’m totally excited and looking towards Lent with enthusiasm.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for all of us as we journey through 40 days of sacrifice only to arrive at resurrection Sunday celebrating Him.

I know it’s not kosher to tell people what you are giving up for Lent, so if you read my blog and we see each other on a regular basis, just accept this as notice, and we don’t need to talk about it beyond this post.  My closest friends know how much I love Twitter and my wife will tell you I’m addicted.  Tonight she joked that I should give up my iPhone for Lent and I quickly squashed the thought.  But, for the past week or so, giving up Twitter for Lent has been heavily on my heart.  I can’t think of anything else I’m more attached to at this point in my life, so it’s perfect for creating a little reminder in my soul to help me constantly think over the next 40 days of the beautiful gift God gave to me in the form of his son.

Deletion of the application for Twitterfon and Twitterrific will be removed from my iPhone tomorrow when I sync my phone one last time before going out-of-town on business.  And, while I’m at it, I might as well say goodbye to Facebook.  It’s equally as addictive for me as Twitter and could serve as a mild replacement for giving up Twitter.  The reality of all of this could mean I have to rebuild my Tribe of followers on Twitter, but if that means more to me that a growth opportunity with my creator, then Twitter really is pretty pathetic.  I need this to be a time of reflection and drawing near to God.  I’m ready to grow, to be stretched, challenged and I can’t wait for resurrection Sunday!

I’ll see all of you on the back end of 40 days and I can’t to celebrate with a Tweet!

Leaving Egypt

I tend to write a lot in my journal about the things I wrestle or struggle with the most.  Depression, addictions, complaining, criticism, and much more are at the top of the list.  I’m definitely a work in progress and struggle with the best of these.  I also like to think I spend much of my time working through and processing the things I just mentioned.  I don’t mind change in my life, so I read, study, and talk about these things with friends.  I don’t have a desire to stay where I’m at and self-improvement is a necessity in my life.  I’m not saying I’m the best at doing it, but I do have the desire.

This week marks the beginning of the Lenten season and there’s no better time to think about our “Egypt’s.”  We all struggle with something, but the beauty is we don’t have to.  I know… easier said than done.  How many times have we heard that growing up in the church?  We can be like Christ!  We don’t have to stay where we’re at!  We can choose to be different.  We don’t have to remain a slave to our problems, our struggles, or our addictions.

Then why is it so dang difficult?  Do we continue to wrestle with these issues because we haven’t completely surrendered ourselves to God?  Is it that we aren’t really “saved”?  Or is it just a process of refinement that we continue to go through with God, recognizing our complete need and dependence of him?

Even the Israelite people continued to struggle after they were led from Egypt by Moses.  They saw pillars of dust and fire, bodies of water split in two, and manna fall from heaven, but continued to struggle with complaining, arguing, and worshiping false gods.  They lacked faith in their creator and couldn’t trust in his ability to lead them to a promised land.  They even wanted to return to the pot of meat they ate from during their time of captivity and abuse.

So I ask the question, why should we consider it so much easier for ourselves to flee from our Egypt’s and not feel the desire to return to them?  And why is it so hard for us to grasp the reality when we continue to fall prey and victim to our addictions and then find ourselves bruised, beaten, and hurting from our momentary lapse in judgment?  Why is it so easy to judge and condemn those who continually struggle with these problems?  Are we just trying to make ourselves feel better?

It really is true.  We don’t have to remain in bondage to our addictions.  We can be set free through the grace and love of God.  But, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO, to remove ourselves from the trash we find ourselves in.  We have to trust and rely on the only person who can ultimately free us from our garbage and it’s God.  And don’t fool yourself into believing that you will miraculously be perfect and never screw up again.  You will make mistakes and maybe even fall back into the very addictions you once found yourself in.  That’s the beautiful thing about grace.  It’s always there, always available, and always ready to lift us up out of our pit.

This week I’m being challenged to wrestle with the Egypt’s in my life.  As Ash Wednesday arrives and I find myself entering the 40 day period of time leading up to Easter, I will decide to give up something I enjoy, in an attempt to draw closer to God.  I want to allow Him an opportunity to work an amazing rescue effort in my life and ultimately save me from the slavery and bondage I so often find myself in.  I pray this will be an incredible time of growth and discovery, because Resurrection Sunday is coming and I want to be ready for the celebration.

A Loss for Words

Lately I’ve really been struggling with what to write about.  I’m having a very difficult time coming up with topics and thinking of what others might be interested in reading.  This morning I really wanted to write something since I’ll be traveling the rest of this week and won’t have a chance to write, but all I could come up with was a gut feeling that God is trying to say to me “Shhhhhh be quiet!  I have something to tell you and you need to listen.”

How does someone with such little patience listen?  I want to hear what God is trying to say to me, but hurry up!  I’m tired of waiting.  I’m ready to write God, ready to pour it out into words, but they aren’t there so please tell me, speak to me, fill me up.

How often do we find ourselves wanting to receive something great from God and then put a time limit or demand on when he should do it?  Do you ever wonder if he gets sick and tired of our worry filled and frenzied lives?  I’m constantly traveling at the speed of “me” and every once in a while I think God gets sick of it and says “STOP!”  ”REST!”  ”LISTEN!“

I wonder how much I miss out on what he has created just for me.  Opportunities, moments with him, peace.  I wonder about times when the sweet Holy Spirit whispers softly in my ear and I ignore, because of pride, self-doubt, and fear.  I wonder if God hurts deep within his inner core when we fail to capture life’s beauty and sacrifice intimacy with him because we are selfish and self indulging people.  Or does he just pour out an extra dose of grace and love keeping us connected to him as the life source that keeps us shining in a dark and depressing world?

Sometimes I wonder who I’m really writing for.  Am I writing because I need to pour out the ideas and feelings in my heart, or is my ego so large I’m doing it to try and impress others?  I wonder if it’s ever possible to write something that warms God’s heart?  Am I pleasing The One who created me or would he prefer I use my time in other more meaningful ways?

I think I’m really wrestling with some of the questions I’ve asked today.  Maybe this is what he’s trying to tell me.  Maybe I need to pause and spend a few weeks really seeking what he wants me to do and not worry so much about keeping up with this blog.  So, if things get quiet here you’ll know why; I’m listening and praying that God is filling me beyond overflowing.

Growing Up

Our Organic Church plant has been taking place for eight weeks now and since we started we’ve had the opportunity to teach our children about sharing, friendship, serving, Jesus’ love for the outcast, about who God is, about taking care of and helping those who are different than we are, and many other little life lessons as we experience life together.  What’s been fun are the stories we hear from parents each Sunday about experiences they’ve had throughout the week with their children as what we’ve been teaching is starting to play out in real life.

Over the past few days I’ve really seen a difference taking place in my son’s life.  Even though he’s a nine year old special needs child, he still has a big heart and is grasping the concept of the lesson’s he’s being taught.  On Saturday during his bowling league he was passing out hugs to everyone and I think he made several of the parents and buddies feel special.  Several of the teenage buddy’s stayed after bowling to play video games and hang out with Wakeland.  I’m sure they had better things to do and things they’d rather be doing, but they chose to hang out with the little boy who had earlier shown them love.

On Saturday night while having dinner together I shared my bread with Wakeland and you could see in his face how he felt about it.  He smiled, commented on how nice it is to share with others, and blew me a kiss.  I knew right then that he truly understands the concept of sharing.  (Now there are no more excuses!)

Sunday rolled around and while the adults were engaged in conversation we could see our son along with our friends two year old trying to get onto the trampoline.  Wakeland was trying his hardest to help our friend’s son climb up, but you have to understand, even though there’s almost seven years difference in their age, there’s only about 10 pounds difference in their weight, and Wakeland trying with all his might couldn’t get his little buddy up on the trampoline.  But it was so cute seeing the two of them work together trying to figure out how they could work as a team to accomplish this task.

Last night was the icing on the cake for me.  We’ve been trying to give Wakeland more opportunities to be responsible since he is growing up so quickly.  We got him ready for bed last night and like usual he wasn’t ready to go.  So we told him he could lie on the couch and watch cartoons until he either started feeling sleepy or the cartoon ended.  At that point we told him to get up and go to bed, because he wasn’t allowed to fall asleep on the couch.  About an hour later I went into the kitchen and decided to check on him to see if he made it to bed.  He takes medication at night to help him sleep and it’s pretty fast acting and works in about 30 minutes.  We often find him sleeping on his floor, because he didn’t make it all the way to his bed.  But last night, he had turned off the TV when he was finished and was sleeping soundly in his bed when I checked on him.  I smiled and was so happy and proud of him for showing us this responsibility.

When I saw him this morning I hugged and kissed him and told him how proud I was of him for going to bed all on his own, for turning off the TV, and for showing us he’s turning into a responsible big boy.  He smiled and glowed!  Then he went right back to playing.  Moments like these make me proud to be a parent and help me realize how blessed I truly am.